Hellish thoughts
I had a dream not long after my father died, I met him (as you do most dead people in dreams) in an ordinary situation. He'd been given 'holiday' from death. So we sat in my sisters living room and chilled. We talked - Rather I think I just kept telling him how much I missed him. He told me that hell does exist and he'd seen some of it - he told me that in hell they can speak words straight into your mind and they become your thoughts - your rationale. That the demons wreek havoc by messing with the minds of the tormented, and theres no death there to escape to. Then his iris' turned yellow and oval like a cats - his body stiffened and I knew it was time for him to go again. I was to dumbstruck to say goodbye I just watched him die all over again knowing there was nothing i could do.
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When I woke I was so distraught I was in a dream for days, it was then I decided that I gotta be good to get to heaven. The thing is the more I look around the more like hell it seems. Have I not just spoken straight into your thoughts with these words and caused you distress. I wish sometimes the written word wouldnt speak straight into my mind the way it does sometimes.
* * * *
When I woke I was so distraught I was in a dream for days, it was then I decided that I gotta be good to get to heaven. The thing is the more I look around the more like hell it seems. Have I not just spoken straight into your thoughts with these words and caused you distress. I wish sometimes the written word wouldnt speak straight into my mind the way it does sometimes.
posted by CheeseBiscuit at 4:31 PM
2 Comments:
That sounds like a terrible ending to your dream. Oh, and the entry about "Making Energy"...I know of which you speak. You call it love, but I call it "being 100% alive."
I've been lucky enough to have a generous handful of days where I felt that way. Alert and happy and soaked in sensation...being completely aware of each passing second of my life, for many seconds in a row. Yes, falling in love feels like this. But some other moments feel like this too.
But god, when a person is able to awake that majesty within (when usually it requires breathtaking scenery or philosophical epiphanies)...well, it hurt to see that person go.
no, when I talk about love, i dont mean falling in love with someone. I guess its falling in love with life. Recognising how special it is - each moment, sure feeling in love leads to this feeling too, many paths - I guess. But it goes even deeper - It can mean recognising that the universe didnt 'need' to be as beautiful as it is - but it is unconditionally beautiful - the unconditional love of existence. The faith that even if the world was to explode, within the bounds of the universe - from some perspective they would be the beauty of a star being born. Loves never defeated & omnipresent - its just a case of tuning into it - i speculate that romance is a path.
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