My most embarrassing moment

I've had quite a few :- I was in some windswept town West of QingHai East of Tibet. Maria (aka Ma Liya) and I had checked into a hotel to get some rest before moving on.... Maria felt generous so she took me out for a meal. Its a well known fact that the Chinese charge a lot more money to foreigners than their own. The pièce de résistance at this fine establishment was a slightly slimy joint of some unrecognizable meat.
With Maria's encouragement I proceeded to clear my plate of everything , including this joint which reminded me slightly of dog I had sampled earlier in my travels.
So it was, that I ended up eating like a king for abour a fiver.
...A king I was, as I spent the next two days on the throne!
Around two hours later the dog decided he wanted out immediately, i suffered the most excruiateing stomach cramps and what seemed like perpetual need to go and 'let dog swim around the pool'. On what seemed like my 70th visit to the throne, I discovered with supreme angst that we were out of toilet paper. I didnt have time to call room service - so I let what was left of rover out to sea.
We'd already bathed so I figured that I'd get the shower-tit and use it as a B-Day.
Shuffling across the dingy bathroom (my pants were around my ankles) I made it to the bath with. Jumping I managed to dislodge the shower tit from the wall.
Now, facing the bathroom door I stuck my posterior over the bath and turned on the ice-cold water. The feeling was something like being sodomised by Mr Frosty. But I held on... I had to get my self clean. By now I was grimacing.
Thats when Maria walked in.
She grimaced closed the door. And nothing was more was said about the incident.
She also never let me sleep with her again.